Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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