My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
