Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
