I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
