ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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