i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
