found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
