Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
