It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
