Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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