Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
