when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
