I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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