I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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