Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
