i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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