I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
