just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
