went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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