mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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