TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
