Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
