he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
