I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize