just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I will pee on everything he values.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
