We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
