As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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