Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
