Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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