piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
