Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
