i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize