Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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