I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
