I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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