When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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