I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
