he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
