i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize