if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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