So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
