If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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