cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
