i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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