My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
