hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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