it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
