i just wanna soil my oats bro
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
