she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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