So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
