My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize