are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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