one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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