i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Found your dick twin last night
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
