Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
