She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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