im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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