There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
