I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
