Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
