Well douche your snatch and let's go!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
