You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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