____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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