My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize