She's JV to your varsity
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
