Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
