Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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