it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
