I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
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