I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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