i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
