i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
