i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
