Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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