so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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