I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i out mim tonsoeep
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