do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
