I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
