The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
