What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
