Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
