so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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