I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
