Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
