take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My vagina is very pro this idea
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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