My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
