im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
