this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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