HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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