Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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