She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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