She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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