there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
