Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
