haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
