Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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