Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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