You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
