Its about making memories worth repressing
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
