Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
