Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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