I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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