I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
